You can know anything. It's all there. You just have to find it.

-Neil Gaiman


Friday, June 12, 2015

A Scottish Tale

Here is a story to discover whether or not you have a British sense of humor.

This is a true story.*

*My dad told the story to me.**

**It gets more details every time you hear it.

Once upon a time, my father's mother (my grandmother) was a little girl growing up in Glasgow, Scotland.

In the thirties. Which meant the depression. And I know that the depression in America was really bad, but many Americans didn't know it was also bad in Europe, and north England, Scotland, Ireland and Wales it was especially bad. Unemployment was around 70% at one point.

Anyway, my grandma had a bunch of brothers and at least one sister and her mother had decided to have a dinner and invited several aunts, uncles and cousins over. I don't know if it was a special occasion or birthday or whatever. But I do know there was a problem.

The problem?

There wasn't enough food for everyone.

So here is what my great-grandmother said to the kids.

"Okay, you are going to say you're not hungry. You're going to pass on the food when it goes around the table. There's just not enough, alright? I need to make sure there's enough for the guests."

All the children agreed. Because, well, they had to. They're kids.

So dinner was served and all the kids said they weren't hungry, just like they were told.  "No, thank you. No, thank you, I'm full."

What good little kids.

After dinner cake was served.


Well now, their mother didn't say anything about not eating the dessert!  Yay!

So when the cake was cut and passed around, my grandma said, "Yes, I would like a piece of cake, please."

And then her mother said:

"I'm sorry. You can't have any cake. You didn't eat your dinner."

Now - if you started laughing in a horrid, obscene manner, you have a British sense of humor.

If you gasped in horror and said, "Dear God, that's just awful!" I'm sorry, but you're a Puritan.

- To be fair, I did a little of both.

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