Happy Mother's Day!
The Braun household had a busy weekend. Matt and I babysat Friday night for baby Georgie and toddler Jack while my sister-in-law and her husband escaped to dinner. Here is a breakdown of our evening.
The grownups leave at 5:45.
My sister-in-law runs back in the door at 5:50, saying, "We forgot our gift card."
Me and Matt think she believes we have broken the baby and are letting Jack play Grand Theft Auto IV and eat a bag of candy. She peers around the room suspiciously.
She leaves at 5:52.
Matt takes Jack outside to play. I hold George and pray he keeps sleeping. I try to watch the movie, The Postman, and realize that I've seen it 5 times and every time it gets worse. I actually saw this movie in the theater when it came out. I was in high school. I was stupid.
Matt and Jack come in the house and Jack screams, "Mooowh OUTsigh!"
Matt says, "No."
Jack lays on the carpet, contemplating his options.
George squirms. I panic. He starts snuffling me like an elephant looking for peanuts. We give him a bottle and he sucks it down.
I try to burp him but it doesn't seem to work.
Matt tries and it works.
Then George lets out a juicy fart.
We change George and he starts to scream when we try to wriggle him out of his outfit. Two grownups can't seem to put on his onesie and his pajamas. He screams at our stupidity as if he can't believe he's been left with these idiots.
Jack wants to eat. We feed him broccoli and cauliflower. He actually eats it.
We feed him a blueberry waffle and he picks at it.
"You're weird," I tell him and eat the rest of his waffle.
An hour later we repeat. Feed, burp, change diaper.
I tell Jack he has to brush his teeth.
He says, "No."
I go into the bathroom and find his green Sesame Street toothbrush. I say, "Oh what a neat toothbrush."
Jack says, "MINE!"
I trick him into brushing his teeth.
Mercifully, he goes to bed. He grabs his blankie and nookie and lays down, waving at me. "Bye."
Me and Matt listen to him talking to himself on the baby monitor, it sounds like he is speaking Portuguese.
We put George in the bassinet but he squirms and grunts. I make Matt hold him, and I lay down on the couch. We are tired and have decided that Becca and Peter are not coming back, that they have gone to the airport and bought a one-way ticket out of town.
They come home at 9:30. Jack is still speaking Portuguese in his room.
I tell this to my mom, how hard it is with an infant and toddler and she goes, "When you and your brother were that age, I don't think I slept for three years."
This is why I have two cats.
So Happy Mother's Day!