You can know anything. It's all there. You just have to find it.

-Neil Gaiman


Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Batsh*t crazy

Okay this happened like a million years ago (3 months?) and I'm only now getting around to post it.

Enjoy my horrible screenwriting format.

INT - Braun dining room - Night

Mindy is sitting at the dining table, doodling some stories on paper, drinking a glass of wine.  Matt and Sena are sitting on the couch, watching Curious George.  Mindy is accidentally transcribing lines from Curious George, things like: Hundley really doesn't like messy monkeys making a mess of his lobby.

All of a sudden Mindy hears a noise.  A soft noise.  A quiet noise.  A furry plopping noise that sounds like nothing she's ever heard before.

The noise makes her turn around.

On the floor, directly behind her, at the top of the stairs leading to the basement is a small fuzzy brown thing.

It takes two seconds for Mindy to realize it is not a fuzzy turd, but a bat.

Mindy: Bat.  Bat.  Baaaaaat.

The zombies on the couch ignore her.

Mindy looks around.  The bat is wriggling it's flappy wings.

Mindy (thinking): Rabiesrabiesrabiesrabiesrabies.

Mindy grabs a dish towel and throws it on the bat.

Mindy:  Bat!  Bat!  Matt!  It's a bat.

Matt gets up.

Mindy shuts the door to the basement, the towel peeks out.

Matt: Where is it?

Mindy: There.  I put a towel on it.  Shit!  Rabies!

Matt moves to open the door.

Mindy: Wait!  Rabies.

Mindy grabs Sena and tells her to go in her room.

Matt opens the basement door.  Nothing is under the towel.  The bat went back to the basement.

Mindy:  We HAVE to find it!

Matt:  It could be anywhere.

Mindy: We have to find it!  Rabies!  I won't sleep until it's gone.  I'm going to imagine it hanging from my ceiling tonight.

Matt: Crap.

They go downstairs with a flashlight.  The ceiling in the laundry room is unfinished, rafters exposed.  Matt shines a light around everything.

Matt: God, we're never going to find it.  It could have crawled behind the walls.

Mindy: We HAVE to FIND it!

Matt walks around with a flashlight and a golf club.  He looks moderately insane.

Mindy opens the door to the garage and stands there to see if anything will come flying out.

Suddenly, she gets the weirdest sensation she's being watched.

She turns around and looks up.  There, above the door jamb, is the bat, it's little fangy face staring at her.

Mindy: Oooooh, got you, you blood sucker.

Matt: Where is it?

He looks up and sees it.

Matt: What should I do?

Mindy (picking up a plastic wiffle bat):  Whack the bat with the bat!

Matt looks at her in surprise:  But I might hurt it.

Mindy realizes that deep down she is not a good person:  Crap.  Okay, maybe use a leather garden glove and a towel.

Matt does and carefully grabs the bat, which starts squeaking like a helpless infant.

Mindy feels sort of bad that she suggested smashing it.

Matt lets the bat go out into the night, which is freezing cold.

Matt: It probably wanted to be somewhere warm.

Mindy: The poor thing is probably going to freeze to death.

Matt: Oh, now you're care?  You wanted me to kill it.

Mindy: Well, it might have been rabid.  Besides, I do care.  I didn't want it to SUFFER!

Matt: You are weird.

Mindy wonders why Matt is just figuring this out now.


Tez Miller said...

Congratulations and well done to you and Matt on defeating Batman ;-)

Melinda Braun said...

Batman doesn't stand a chance!