Here is another awesome movie review - if you read my Mission Impossible movie review, then you know what kind of review it is. It's not based on any having any kind of intellectual discussion nor does it attempt to decipher or explain anything the director or cinematographer has done or failed to do.
It is a rambling interior monologue of my reaction when watching the movie.
In other words, the best movie review ever!
Me: Oh God, it's 9pm and I don't know if I can stay awake for this thing. Why oh why, does every damn movie have to be in 3-D.
I'm not even sure I WANT to see this in 3-D. It better not be too scary; the first Alien movie made me hyperventilate. Why on earth do I think I can handle watching this.
The movie starts. Previews come on.
Me: Oh, I want to see that.
Next preview.
Me: Oh, I want to see that.
Ten previews later.
Me: Oh, I want to see that.
When the movie starts, I put on my 3-D glasses.
Me: I hope this doesn't suck. I can't believe the tickets were $14. What a total ripoff.
Later.
Me: I think that looks like Scotland. Or Iceland. Or someplace north. Canada? Greenland? Hmmm....
Later.
Me: Who is that old dude? Guy Pearce? Man, he looks like crap.
Later.
Me: Space is cool.
Me: Space is scary.
Me: All those people are going to die. Those two, who are very annoying, will probably die horrible deaths.
Later.
Me: Why am I always right.
Me: Is she a robot?
Me: I can't decide if I like this guy or not. He's kind of a jerk. But then, he's just an android, so it's not his fault.
Me: Are they gonna...?
Me: Yep, this is not going to end well.
Later.
Me: I'm glad I'm not pregnant. That would give me nightmares. Actually, I will probably have nightmares anyway.
Me: That is damn gross!
Me: I always knew I didn't like squid. But I like that sauce. Unagi. Mmmm...I could eat some sushi right now.
Me: You really should make sure it is totally dead.
Me: That has got to hurt.
Me: I wish Matt would stop grabbing my leg. It's going to leave a bruise.
Later.
Me: Yeah, blow it up!
Me: Captains are so heroic! They always do the right thing! I would probably wimp out and go for the escape pod.
Me: Holy Shit! Yeah, that's why you have to make sure it's dead the first time.
Me: I have to pee.
Me: For a headless robot, he sure is nonchalant.
Me: That Noomi girl is quite the bad ass. I would probably start crying right now.
Me: So is Charlize. She is cool and tough. But, oh no...
Me: Ah ha! So that's where it came from? Oh, accident rules every corner of the universe, doesn't it? Humans should really stop meddling. Because that's what happens. Oh, irony!
The End.
2 comments:
That was pretty much my internal monologue as well...minus the pregnancy, pee, and Matt squeezing my leg part (had to see this one solo). Thumbs up or down?
I actually thought it was a thumbs up... even though it was overpriced. Still totally liked it. Love Ridley Scott - even his worst day directing is way better than most.
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