This is not so much a movie review but the random thoughts that went through my brain when watching this movie. Actually, I think most movie reviewers should do this, but of course, nobody ever cares what I think.
My Brain: Goody! Goody! Goody! I love previews! When I watch them it ALWAYS makes me want to see the movie.
Five minutes later:
I want popcorn.
And junior mints.
Ten minutes of previews later:
I think I should pee before the actual movie starts.
Fifteen minutes of previews later:
Dear God, how many previews are there?
Half-hour later when previews are almost done:
I think my ass is asleep. I'm hungry. I have to pee again. Why can't we have booze in the movie theater? I need a beer or something.
An hour later the movie starts:
My neck hurts. Hmmm.... when is shit gonna blow up? I know that's Tom Cruise waiting to get out of prison. Why is Tom in prison? Oh, who the hell cares.
My thoughts during the rest of the 10 hour long movie:
Tom Cruise is a very fast runner. He can really run.
That's totally fake.
Why is it always the Russians?
Holy Shit, I really didn't see that part coming!
You can't hold your breath that long.
Tom is very fast. I bet he's definitely the fastest A-list celebrity. He's gotta be the fastest Scientologist.
What kind of car is that? Is that a Volkswagen?
Not the masks again!
Oh good, the masks are stupid.
There's no way in hell I would do that.
That's so damn fake. That wouldn't work.
That goes against the laws of physics.
The desert is cool.
I don't think I like camels. They spit. And bite.
This is fake. You can't do that. You would totally die.
I wonder if Tom Cruise is a robot.
That's fucking impossible.
Hah! That's what they should call the movie. Fucking Impossible!
I'm a genius.
Are they gonna...? Of course, yes they are.
Yeah, I knew that was going to happen.
Jesus, Tom Cruise can really run! I think he's faster than me.
How old is Tom Cruise?
I bet he's a cyborg.
Good God, I really have to pee.
Hi, Ving Rhames, how much did you get for your cameo?
I think the next movie in the franchise should be: Fucking Impossible! Tom Cruise can RUN REALLY DAMN FAST!
So there's my movie review. The thing I liked best was watching Tom Cruise run. He's very good at it.