You can know anything. It's all there. You just have to find it.

-Neil Gaiman


Monday, June 8, 2009


Yesterday my in-laws and nephews came over for dinner. Unfortunately, the weather was rainy and cold so that meant we had eight extra people in our house.

And I learned something. My house is extremely dangerous.

I don't have plastic plates or cups. I don't have gates around my stairs, the sharp corners are not bumpered. Most everything I own is breakable, and any knickknacks that I have, which are few because I hate clutter, apparently also double as lethal weapons.

Case in point. No sooner had Jack entered the living room that he gravitated toward the far corner, where there is a bureau, books and lamp. He immediately locked in on a small, shiny gold Eiffel tower replica that I bought in Paris (at the Eiffel tower gift shop, to be exact) seven years ago. I never realized that this pretty little object d'art is perfect for gouging out someone's eye. Or stabbing them in the jugular. I'll keep that in mind if an intruder breaks in.
"I don't need a gun. I got an Eiffel tower, beeyatch!"

I took that away and exchanged it with the jiggling hedgehog, which is soft and has a string to pull that shakes its body. My cats got bored with it but Jack was entertained.

Baby George also liked the crinkle foil balls I have scattered around the house. He happily scrinched and scrunched them with a big smile on his face. Forget all those Baby Einstein educational toys for children. My kid is going to play with cat toys. And like it!

As for the cats, Bee hid. Of course. But Bug strolled and preened around in all her bratty glory at all the visitors that she could get "pets" from. George was immediately enamored when he saw her. He made a noise not unlike an excited orangutan at feeding time and scurried right up to her to grab her fat fuzzy body. Bug was not impressed. She sniffed and walked away and then looked at George and then me as if to say, "Are you kidding me? What is THAT thing?"

And George crawled after her, hooting all the way. He kept wanting to climb the stairs after her, but we didn't let him, so he beat his hands on the carpet and hollered up at Bug, who stared at him from five steps up, apparently trying to figure out what kind of creature this loud, chubby, pink, and bald humanoid actually was.

Poor George.

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