This Thursday I will be 20 weeks pregnant... which is the halfway point... which makes me think I'm running out of time to get ready... which makes me realize no matter what I do I probably won't feel ready.
Despite that fact, last weekend I bought diapers, diaper cream, butt wipes, baby wash, and infant formula. I didn't know what kind to buy exactly, but I had some coupons so I used those.
I looked at the newborn diapers and bought a big pack that said it had eighty. "That's a lot of diapers," I thought. Then I realized that new babies go through 10-12 diapers a day, so it would only last a week, if that. I therefore learned that diapers are expensive. So is formula. I plan to try to feed the Baby Moo the old fashioned way, but then again, who knows if that will work. And I don't plan to do it when I go back to work, either. Yeah, yeah, I'm probably going to hear about it from SOMEBODY who says, "You HAVE to breastfeed your baby, no matter what! Until they're two! It's the only way to raise a healthy baby." Whatever. My thoughts on that subject are simply this: If you're old enough to for it, you're too old.
So I bought a canister; I have no idea how long those are supposed to last either. Right now my plan is to buy diapers every time I go to Target and have a coupon, and also stock up on other necessities so I won't have to buy them when I'm not working. I'm kind of a boy scout that way. Always trying to be prepared. The key word is trying.
Other things I've noticed about being 20 weeks pregnant. My gravity and balance have shifted. Even though I'm not that big yet, the other day I actually had to think about how I was going to get up from the couch before I did it. I used to just pop up and go. Now I weigh the pros and cons of what body part I should move first. Eventually, I will have to start imagining schematics of pulley systems in my mind to hoist myself from point A to point B. I'm still waiting for the day when I won't be able to turn over in my bed, and I'll flop on my back helplessly like a turtle that's been overturned on its shell.
Yes, I'm really looking forward to that sensation.
I'm just not used to not being in control of my body. Last week I started feeling the baby kick. Not just fluttering around like a tadpole, but a real kick. Or maybe it was a punch. It was definitely a distinct BOP, BOOP, BOP... And I'm noticing them more often now. It is downright weird. It was the first time I really thought, "Oh my God, there's an actual human being GROWING in there!"
I said that to Matt as though I hadn't figured that out yet and he just blinked at me like, "Duh!"
Then I thought something else and looked at him. "Oh my God, what if it's a boy?"
"What if it is?"
"That means there is a wiener growing inside me!"
Matt started laughing. "A WIENER!"
There is something wrong with my brain.