You can know anything. It's all there. You just have to find it.

-Neil Gaiman


Thursday, February 19, 2009

25 Things

Perhaps you've seen this thing floating around Facebook. 25 Things you're supposed to write about yourself to let other people know. Specifically things they don't already know, random things, weird things, embarrassing things... I have already had 2 different Facebook friends write these and I have to say I really enjoyed reading them.

Because I realize I'm not the only one who is COMPLETELY WEIRD!

A lot of backlash has come up from this... other people saying how stupid it is and what a waste of time and why don't you just call your friend and have a conversation with them?

There's that point.

However, I have to say that these type of things (personal confessions or weird trivia) don't often come up in the course of conversation.

Unless you're talking to me. And buying me shots of tequila. Then you'll hear about the time my brother convinced me it would be a good idea to try to light his farts on fire. And me standing there with a book of matches wondering if I should be wearing a helmet of some kind. Or at least some goggles.

For those wondering: No, it's not a good idea.

I started writing a list last week and then I stopped, realizing that this is not just an exercise letting your friends and neighbors know more about you, but a self-examination. Why did I write those 25 things? What does that mean, and why did those specific (and somewhat embarrassing) thoughts pop up?

I have not figured that out yet.

But here are my 25 things, in the order that I wrote them. Go ahead and analyze this...

1. When I was in second grade I punched a boy in the face. He was teasing me, though I cannot for the life of me remember what it was about. I told him I was going to punch him but he didn't believe me. So I punched him. His lip was bleeding. He cried and told the teacher. I was crying too, because I hurt my hand. It really hurt. It's not like the movies. So my teacher (Mrs. Koepke) asked me if I punched him. I lied, and she believed me, probably because I was crying (even though it was about my hand, which I was certain was broken), and probably because she thought I was a good girl. I was not a good girl.
That is the first and last time I ever punched someone in the face. I still feel bad about it. I'm sorry, Christopher.

2. Despite the above confession, most of the main things I regret are not the stupid things I've done (which are too numerous to believe) but of the things I've said to other people. When I remember certain things I've said to people (some deserved, most not) my face gets hot and I squinched my eyes shut.

3. I confessed this (#2) to Garrison Keillor (who was my teacher at that time) and he reassured me that, "Good. That means you're a decent person." And then I felt a little better.

4. Garrison Keillor is not only a really good writer, he is a good teacher.

5. I really, really believe that marijuana should be legal. There, I said it.

6. I never thought I would ever get married, let alone get married at 22. But, in hindsight, I'm glad I did.

7. I not only love my husband, I actually LIKE him. As a person. I would be friends with him because of the way I feel when I'm around him. Being with him has made me a better person.

8. I have always wanted to learn to play the piano. I have no idea where this desire comes from, but it has been inside me for as long as I can remember. I am determined to do something about that.

9. I sometimes have imaginary conversations in my head. With famous people, with people I know, characters in a book or movie, or completely random strangers. And sometimes I catch myself mouthing the words to these conversations. So far I don't think anyone has seen me doing that.

10. I have never been alone. Alone, alone. I have always lived with other people and sometimes when I think of really being alone, I find it very scary.

11. When I read a really good book or even a really great sentence in a book, sometimes I get mad. Because I didn't write it.

12. I vomited all over the front steps of Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas. I was so hungover I couldn't keep down my can of Sprite. So I puked up sugary carbonated soda foam; I must have looked like a rabid zombie. This was at 11 in the morning and limos were pulling up and at least 50 people witnessed this. One man laughed and pointed at me, "Look at her! And it's not even noon!"

13. I'm no longer afraid of throwing up in public.

14. When running the 800m relay at a high school track meet, I wet my pants. Not because I was running so fast. Because I really had to go.

15. Sometimes I think I would make a really good dictator. Or a professional assassin.

16. I would like to live in a villa, have a vineyard, and some horses. Preferably in France or Italy.

17. I get sneaking suspicions that somehow this has all happened before, the deja vu is incredibly intense, and I'm left believing that reincarnation is entirely possible. Even though I was raised as a Lutheran.

18. I NEVER wanted to go to church as a kid. Ever.

19. I was such a shy kid I was afraid to answer the phone. I'm still pretty introverted.

20. When my college roommate came out and told me she was a lesbian, the first thing I asked her was, "Were you ever attracted to me?" She said, "No." I was pissed and insulted. I yelled, "Why not?!!!"

21. I have no idea why I'm afraid to have kids and be a parent. Probably because of the above list.

22. I really like kids. I think they are hilarious. It's the babies that scare me.

23. I didn't think of my mother as an actual person until I was 19. Until that point she was just my mom; it never occurred to me that she had another side to her personality until the day we were driving to Festival Foods and a car cut her off and flipped the driver the bird while she screamed, "F*ck you, you f*cker!" I honestly didn't think she knew that word, and it completely changed my limited opinion of her. For the better.

24. When I visit my hometown I feel incredibly grateful to have grown up in such a beautiful place.

25. I feel ridiculously lucky that I had parents who read me bedtime stories every night and showed up to all my soccer games and track meets and made me eat my vegetables and go outside to play and always encouraged me to go after what I wanted. I must have saved a busload of orphans in my previous life....


Savage Press Inc. said...

Hey, Melinda. After reading your list of 25, I think you should read Stephen King's Dark Tower series.

Melinda Braun said...

Really? that is one Stephen King book I haven't read. I'll have to check it out.