You can know anything. It's all there. You just have to find it.

-Neil Gaiman


Monday, November 3, 2008

Nervous Kitty

The Junebug and the Bee had their annual check-up this morning. When I say annual I mean it is supposed to be every fall, however they have not been to the vet in a few years and I knew they probably needed some vaccines.

So why haven't they gone? The answer is simple: we are deadbeat parents.

The last time they were there Bee was just a kitty and had to get her shots and exam.

Now she is 5 years old.

So I call Matt this morning to make sure he remembered to take them in. Also the furnace guy is coming at 10 and I want to make sure Matt will be home when he gets there. Our furnace is on it's metaphorical last legs (20 years old) and I'm trying to see if we can squeeze another season out of it. That's a whole other post.

Here's the conversation.

Matt: 'Lo?

Mindy: Well, did you get them in their cages?

Matt: OH MY GOD! They're awful!

Mindy: What happened? Did they hide?

I had re-warned him about the cages last night. One is a zippered carrying case, but the other is a small cat carrier with a metal door. It makes a certain sound when you open it. When the cats hear this particular sound, they perform what's known as a Harry Houdini. They are good at it...Bee especially. There is a certain process for successful cat wrangling and it goes something like this: DON'T let them suspect anything is going down. Don't tell them about it and for God's sake don't let them see or hear anything to do with the CAT CAGE.

Matt made a horrible error.

Matt: I saw them in the living room. One on the couch and one on the chair. So I went downstairs to get the cages.

Mindy: Oh no! You can't let them see them.

Matt: I didn't. I brought them upstairs, but the metal door on the one was stuck, so I had to fiddle with it.

Mindy: They heard it!

Matt: And when I looked up they were gone. Those little shits!

I tell him to be back at 10 for the furnace guy.

He calls me later after the vet. They go to this place on Lyndale Avenue - called the Kitty Klinic. They only deal with cats and the doctor there is a well-known cat expert. I had made a mention on the phone to the vet tech that Bee had been licking herself bald. I hadn't noticed right away...all cats lick and groom themselves, but one day I noticed her stomach was totally bald. Then she moved on to her hind legs and parts of her tail. At first I thought she had fleas, but Junebug wasn't doing it and Bee wasn't biting herself, only licking. It was like a nervous tic, like the way some people chew their nails or pull out pieces of their hair. I just decided she was a total spazz and let it go. But I wanted to see what the doctor thought.

Matt: Well, they got their shots.

Mindy: Which ones.

Matt: Rabies. And something called distemper?

Mindy: Anything else.

Matt: Yeah, they're fat.

Mindy: Yeah, I know.

Matt: Bug's 15 pounds. Fifteen!

Mindy: Uh-oh.

Matt: Bee's 11 pounds.

Mindy: That's because Bug eats Bee's leftover food.

Matt: That fat piglet.

Mindy: What did he say about Bee?

Matt: He's says she might be a nervous kitty. Or bored.

Mindy: She's nervous. She's a total mental case.

Matt: Yeah.

Mindy: Can we do anything?

Matt: He said to feed them less in the morning. Maybe hide more food dishes around the house so they have to look in other places for food.

That's just what I need. More dishes. They already scream at me in the morning to get up to fill the one dish they have. I can see them hounding me at all hours to fill the other dishes as well. HEY LADY! THERE'S AN EMPTY DISH IN THE OFFICE! FILL IT!

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