Well, I survived the triathlon last Saturday and managed to not finish dead last, though it was my worst time ever. And I can't blame the weather this year because it was absolutely perfect.
Here was my problem. I didn't train for it.
My swim was slow. My bike pace was revolting. And judging by the video tape my dad recorded of me running as I came to the finish line, it looked as though I was trying to carry a piano on my back...while hungover.
So what do you do after you feel publicly shamed? You drink beer.
Yes, one of the sponsors this year was Miller Brewing because, you know, finely tuned athletes, feats of speed and endurance, and hard core alcoholics seem to go together like peas and carrots. Or something like that.
When I picked up my race packet on Friday I had the option of getting a yellow wrist tag that said MGD 64, Miller's new 64 calorie beer. When they asked the guy in front of me if he wanted the wrist band he rolled his eyes and said, "No thanks."
When they asked me, I said what any good Wisconsinite would. "Heck, yeah."
Though after the race I ended up forgoing the beer truck, so I don't know what 64 calorie beer tastes like. Probably like the lake water I was sucking in by the mouthfuls during my swim, so I probably didn't miss much. I hope I don't come down with amoebic dysentery.
What I did do was load up on as many treats as I could. After all, I paid 150 bucks for the race and I'm never going to see any of that nice prize money. Instead I horde food.
They give you little towels at the finish and I folded mine up like origami to make a pouch. I found that I could stick 3 Dasani water bottles, 2 Powerades, 6 bags of potato chips, and 3 packs of oatmeal cookies in it before it would give way. I also learned that you can stick about 7 Pearson salted nut rolls in a sports bra before people start giving you weird looks.
Despite everything, I was glad I did it.