You can know anything. It's all there. You just have to find it.

-Neil Gaiman


Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Seemed like a good idea at the time...

I've done a lot of stupid things. A lot. I remember spending an inordinate amount of time sitting in a chair and trying to think of a response to the question my parents asked me most, which was, "What the hell were you thinking?"

And the corollary, "What the hell is wrong with you?"

I was never quite sure how to answer that.

Sometimes I can't help but think about certain things and cringe, then squint my eyes and shake my head to remove it from my brain. But I never can. It's permanent.

Once, when I was about twelve (old enough to know better) I grabbed an electrical fence. It was one of those 2 foot high wires that keeps the cows from roaming out of the field. Why did I do this?

Because my brother dared me to.

I slapped it first with my hand and nothing happened.
"No," said Jimmy. "Grab it with both hands and hold on."

When I woke up I was on the ground. Through the ringing in my ears, I could hear my brother laughing. I wanted to hit him, but I couldn't feel my arms. I couldn't swear at him because my tongue had swelled up in my mouth and I was making a weird gagging sound, like a cat coughing up a hairball. There were a bunch of pretty spots in front of my eyes.

I'm fairly certain I suffered a moderate amount of brain damage that day.

Which brings me to this: Yes, I was pretty stupid. I can see how people do dumb things. I can understand how a person might get drunk and wake up with a Tweety Bird tattoo on their butt. But some things escape my comprehension. When I see those things I think, "What on earth happened to this person in their childhood to make them think this might be a good idea?" The following is one of those things, disturbing on so many levels. There is not enough drugs and booze in the known universe to ever make me think it would be a good idea.

Be warned: you may feel a sudden urge to remove your eyeballs from their sockets and disinfect them with bleach.

I myself did not know whether to laugh or vomit.

Perhaps this guy grabbed one too many electrical fences.

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