You can know anything. It's all there. You just have to find it.

-Neil Gaiman


Friday, April 6, 2012

Adventures in Potty Training, or, sometimes the two year-old is smarter than me.

So, potty-training isn't going very well.

And it's all my fault.  Seriously, it is.  I suck at it.
I am not firm.  I am not direct.  I am not adamant.  I am not vigilant.

I did make a potty chart with the promise of stickers.

It worked once, mainly because I caught Sena at the tell-tale moment of her grunting and crouching in the corner.

"Do you have to go poop, Sena?"

Sena (grunting and pointing accusingly at me): No, Momma!  Go away!

How dare I disturb her when she's taking a dump!
Of course, nobody likes that!

"Well, I'm going to go to the potty."  So there, I thought.

I walked into the bathroom.

Sena, grunting and crouched over, actually followed me.

And she used the potty.

We took a picture!  And make a short celebratory video!  She got a sticker!  And a cookie!

That was in February, and she hasn't done it since.

Looking back, perhaps our enthusiasm freaked her out.

She has absolutely NO interest in using the potty.

And I haven't really pushed her.  I mean, eventually she'll be potty trained, right?  I mean, you don't see grown adults walking around in diapers, right?  Unless they are those freaks with the diaper fetish.  (Yes, they exist).

I'm sure my mom is appalled.  Apparently, a few months after we were born we all knew how to use the potty.  We also made our beds, played nicely, never threw tantrums in the grocery store, unloaded the dishwasher, and knew how to make a dirty martini.

Kids these days.  Pathetic.

So the other day we are at the park and I had to go to the bathroom.

"Sena, I have to go to the potty.  Come with me."

"Otay, Mommy.  Hold my hand."

We walk up to the park bathroom.  But it was locked.

"Oh crap!  I have to pee."

"Crap, Mommy!"

"No, Mommy has to go potty."

Then Sena gave me a look.  A look that said, "Well, if you had on a DIAPER like me, you wouldn't have this problem, now would you?"

At that moment I really did wish I was wearing a diaper.

It was a long and difficult walk home.

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