I was sitting here trying to think of something to write about. I gots nuthin'. My life is boring. Last night I went to bed at 8pm, which is slightly earlier than my usual bedtime of 8:25. Awesome. Then I thought, maybe I should write about the batshit weird dream I had last night, because I'm sure you want to hear about it. The best part? I can total make stuff up and no one will know! You never hear anybody say, "Hey, dammit! You made that dream up!"
Because they can't prove it, that's why.
That's how pathetic my life is -- I have to make up dreams to make them sound more interesting.
But no, really, this is a part of a dream I had last night.
I'm hiking in the woods, except it's not really woods, more like jungle, but I'm very sure this jungle is on the banks of the Mississippi River. Yeah, this makes sense.
Then I realize I'm not really on planet Earth like I thought. Because there are lizard people walking around. Like the lizard people in the old "V" TV show, not the new one. The lizards are dressed though, wearing L.L. Bean flannel shirts and chinos and Merrel hiking boots.
I try to communicate with these preppy lizard people but I can't understand their language. It sounds like a combination of Italian opera and hillbilly bluegrass sing-song. Christ, that doesn't even make any sense.
I wake up at this point, sort of scared, and I look over at Matt, who is sleeping. He is making a weird whistling noise and I wonder if that is the weird lizard speech I heard. I poke him in the back and make him turn over.
I try to go back to sleep, but the cat has climbed onto my pillow, and somehow throughout the course of the night used her front paws to push my head off the pillow so she can spread her giant fluffy body across it, leaving me with 2cm left.
I think that I probably shouldn't have eaten that gigantic piece of chocolate cake.
See, that's what happens. I've been doing really good with my eating. No junk, no booze, lots of vegetables and chicken. Then I eat a piece of chocolate cake and end up with creepy lizard dreams. There's a moral here somewhere, and I think it's to eat more cake.