You can know anything. It's all there. You just have to find it.

-Neil Gaiman


Monday, April 12, 2010

A Mad World

So I've just started watching this show on Netflix called Mad Men. You may have heard of it.

I don't know why they call it that. (Actually, I do because they explained why). But I think a better title would be: The Smoking and Drinking Show.

It's about smoking and drinking. And drinking and smoking. Plus a little about advertising in the sixties. Plus smoking...

Seriously, I felt like I had a hangover after watching the first episode.

I had to ask my parents when they visited if it was really like that. With the smoking and drinking and drinking and smoking.

Short Answer: Yes.

Long Answer: Oh God, yes!

No wonder everyone was thinner. I think I lost my appetite just SEEING all that smoke. Because you just can't stuff Krispy Kremes in your gob when you are busy puffing on Lucky Strikes every two minutes...

No wonder no one made it past sixty.

But anyway, it's a good show. Besides the drinking and smoking it is insane the way women were treated, let alone any other minorities.

I asked my mom if it was like that. Now, my mom graduated high school in 1970 and she did public relations for the S.C. Johnson company. You know, the Glade people? (I have a whole separate story about growing up with Pledge and Glade products). She worked in an office designed by Frank Lloyd Wright and she even said the chairs were designed by Mr. Wright with only three legs. She said you had to sit on them properly or you would tip over. Another way to keep people from falling asleep at their desks. And another reason Frank Lloyd Wright is considered a genius. An evil genius.

Confession: I still remember going into the S.C. Johnson office building as a kid and looking up and seeing these giant lily pads soaring up to the ceiling. I thought I was on some weird spaceship and it creeped me out - the reason why today I don't really care for that style of architecture. Also, everything was seventies burnt orange. And not a good burnt orange.

So I asked her: Were men that bad?

Short answer: Yes.

My dad didn't have any experience with that culture since he worked in manufacturing and didn't work with women, but my mom definitely said men talked to her like that and there was not much they could do about it.

But back to the smoking and drinking show. Good God.
Now, I'm one of those people who has a hard time separating facts with fiction.

Case in point, when Betty Draper wakes up and gives her husband Don a passionate kiss, I'm revolted. Not because I'm eight and think kissing boys is gross.

Because she just woke up. In the morning. And smoked a Kent. And made out with her husband whose breath has to be nearly as bad as hers. This is what I'm thinking when I see stuff like this: "Eeew! Morning breath! NAAAASSSSTEEEEEE!"

I would never do that.

I would never make out with Matt after I just woke up. I might as well be licking a toilet seat - a public one. That's how appealing that idea sounds. Sometimes when he breathes on me in the morning I think that someone has slaughtered a cow. Three weeks ago. And stuffed it with load of rotten fish. And cat turds.

And I know my breath probably isn't much better. So it bugs me when I see stuff like that in movies. Because it isn't realistic. I can't help it.

This is me when I'm watching a period piece movie. You know, one of those victorian romances with the bodices and knights and ladies. The romantic ones? This is my commentary watching one of those sexy scenes.

Me: Why are her legs shaved?

Matt: What?

Me: Her legs. And her armpits. What year is this? She's supposed to be all hairy. People didn't shave back then.

Matt: I don't want to look at hairy armpits.

Me: And they must just stink. I mean, they never take baths. They never brush their teeth. I bet they don't even have toothbrushes! Yuck. I bet their teeth would be all rotten and black and nasty.

Matt: It's a movie...

Me: Oh, and the sheets! Look at them rolling around in those sheets. I bet they didn't wash those either. I bet they have lice. At least bed bugs... Man, that is gross! Oh man, I bet they are just INFESTED. Bleck! It must stink in that room like a sewer. And they poop in chamber pots by the bed!

Matt: Thanks for that thought.

A little while later.

Matt: Where are you going?

Me: I'm gonna change the sheets.


Christina Rodriguez said...

Have you ever read The Earth's Children series by Jean M. Auel? There's a lot of "caveman" romance scenes that are as laughable as they are explicit!

talchicago said...


I've always thought you were beautiful. Have you ever thought about earning some extra money?

Melinda Braun said...

Why yes, I've always thought of earning extra money. You're not going to tell me you're a Nigerian widow that has 10 million dollars to give me, are you?

Melinda Braun said...

I guess the Auel series is another on my list of to-reads. I still have read Clan of the Cave Bear...

talchicago said...


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