After 10 years of marriage, everything you need to know about me and Matt's relationship can be summed up by the following phone conversation.
INT- SATURDAY MORNING IN MY KITCHEN
The phone rings.
Matt: Moo, it's the Matty.
Mindy: Yeah? Why you calling me?
Matt: Guess what happened?
Mindy: What? Win the Powerball?
Matt: No. I was walking along and I felt something in my ear.
Matt: Yeah. Something moving in my ear. So I leaned over and shook my head.
Matt: A big bug fell out.
Mindy: What?!!! A bug??!!!
Mindy immediately thinks her pillowcases are infested with centipedes and she sticks her fingers in her ears, almost dropping the phone.
Matt: No, a big piece of ear wax.
Mindy: You said a bug.
Matt: A big chunk. And some crumbly pieces, too.
Mindy: How big?
Mindy: About what would you compare it to? Size-wise.
Matt: Uhhh... maybe the size of a sunflower seed.
Mindy: That's pretty big. Were you scared?
Matt: No. Why would that scare me?
Mindy: That something that big fell out of your head.
Matt: Maybe it was my brain.
Mindy: Maybe. Did you save it?
Matt: I wanted to, but I didn't have anything to put it in.
Mindy: Your pocket.
Matt: It would have gotten mushed.
Mindy: Yeah, darn. I wanted to see it.
Matt: Yeah, it was cool. Okay, gotta go. Bye.
She hangs up the phone.
In other news, I knew someone in the current administration was taking this financial bailout seriously. All those secret meetings, bottomless pots of coffee, and brainstorming sessions in the White House bathroom finally paid off. They got Haliburton to build a state-of-the art Bat Signal to turn on from the roof of the Pentagon. Help is on the way!