Back to School

It's been pretty quiet here on campus these days...even the nerdy grad students are scarce.

But in three weeks that will all change, as the teeming hordes of freshmen descend upon campus, carrying their $2,000 laptops while plugged into their ipods and simultaneously texting messages, talking on their phones, watching youtube and sucking down double venti frappacinos. They will spend $5 on coffee yet the majority of them slap around on $2 flip-flops.

Some will walk into the library and ask, "Where do you, like, keep the books and stuff?"

Sigh. Or should I say, OMG.

But in defense of students, since I hire them and train them and supervise them, I have to say they are much savvier than I ever was at that age. I have seen resumes from students that are better than the Commander in Chief, at least, I'm guessing they have fewer spelling errors than his does. They are hard workers and juggling school and work and taking out God only knows how many thousands of dollars in loans.

When I was 18 my most pressing concern, besides making it to my 8 a.m. class, was how I was going to scrape together $3 to buy a plastic cup at the next kegger. I remember that as a freshman I was signed up for this weird thing called an "email account". When I was in school, dirtbags, geeks, and burnouts took computer lab because you couldn't get credits for study hall.

The only thing I remember from computer lab was playing the Oregon Trail. I almost never made it to Oregon. Instead I would run my frontier family ragged, killing them off with starvation, consumption, or dysentery. I wouldn't let them stop to hunt buffalo or deer, because TIME IS MONEY, PEOPLE. Little puny pilgrims. I was a punishing God.

Well, the times have changed.

It's much more competitive out there. There's more students in college, competing for jobs and internships and sometimes I wonder if I was back in school, how would I do? I like to think I would be okay.

Because you know, like, I totally know where they keep all the books.