Henri's ennui

For Sartre, cat, and French film fans.  Well, that was a colossally weird sentence.

The Bug

Back in the day, when Matt used to work for Northwest Airlines (before it died and became Delta) we traveled.

A lot.

As much as we possibly could.

I'm so grateful I took every opportunity to do it.  We put off doing things on our house; instead we spent the money walking through the streets of Paris, London, and Rome.  We rode elephants in Thailand.  We got caught up in a soccer riot in Amsterdam.  We hopped a flight to New York City at 9 am one Saturday morning, and flew back the next day, spending the whole time running around the streets of Manhattan.

We met up with friends and made new ones.  We discovered that while the world is a big place, it's also a very small one.

I still have quite a few places on my "Places to Go" list.  Places like Egypt, Greece, Spain, Ireland, Zimbabwe, Vietnam, and Australia.

For now I will just content myself to watch this video.

For When You're Feeling Small

It's Monday.

It's raining.

You forgot your umbrella.

There's 100 emails in your in-box.

You spilled coffee on your lap.

You just got called for jury duty.



So far your day is not so awesome.

Here's something to watch that is.

I need to change my pants

Something I would probably have to say after experiencing this.

Yeah, I know it's not real.  And yes, I know there's a guy in there.

But still.

I would have the EXACT same reaction as the reporter did at the end.

But then I would probably turn around and slap the dinosaur's face.

Because when I'm terrified, not only do I scream like a lunatic, I punch things.

Matt had to learn that the hard way.

He never sneaks up on me anymore.

Hazards of TV

Because I don't always have time to watch TV, I try to catch up on my favorite shows via Hulu.

I love Modern Family.  And my favorite character is Phil.  His enthusiasm and optimism borders on creepy/insane and every time he starts talking I about pee my pants.

So last night I was watching the latest Modern Family episode, eating a sandwich and drinking some milk.

Well, I really shouldn't do that.

Because the show nearly killed me.

I have a bad habit of taking HUGE bites of food and then a HUGE gulp of liquid and then chewing on it until in forms a semi-solid glob of nutrients.

As I was masticating my food like a bovine I saw this:



I laughed so hard I gagged on my sandwich ball and damn near choked to death.

With the Internet there's no such thing as being bored.

This will probably be my last educational post before Christmas.

How excited are you?

Almost as excited as these cats, I bet.

Yes, a cat video.

If you can get through it without laughing, then congratulations!  Yer a robot.

Timing is Everything

It's Wednesday.  10 days until Christmas.  Are you done shopping yet?  No idea what to get that special someone?

Sorry, I don't know, either, but here's a video to cheer you up.

You're very welcome.

Hunger Games Trailer

I know everyone is salivating to see Breaking Dawn, and believe me, I will be taking a visit to the theater myself.

But this is the movie I cannot wait to see.  These books are phenomenal, and if you haven't read them or are looking for a great gift to give for Christmas, these books are it.

A picture's worth more than just words. There may also be screaming.

In approximately two weeks we are going to have our yearly family photo session.  The plan is to be outside, hopefully it won't be snowing, and somehow create about a half dozen decent pictures, some of which will be used in our annual Christmas greeting card.

But then I saw this picture and got super jealous.

Edward Cullen is coming to get ya'll!

Yeah, I know it's not Edward Cullen.  But nothing says love like a picnic in the grass, a little wine, and a crazed, brain-eating zombie running toward you.

Because that's what love is.  For reals.

Why didn't they have this book when I was in school?

Strunk and White are rolling in their grave.  Maybe.

If I had used this book I might have actually known what a dangling participle is.  Dangling... heh, heh.

Thanks to Laura of Fetch my Flying Monkey's fame for putting this on her blog.

All I know is that my birthday is coming up soon. Hint, hint.

Interview with a 1 year old

Did you toot?  Why, yes, I did.

Persuasion 101

Me:  Do want to watch this movie?

Matt: Which one?

Me:  Black Swan.  It's supposed to be really good.

Matt:  That sounds familiar.  What's it about?

Me:  It's about ballet.

Matt: Huh?

Me:  It's a psychological thriller done by Darren Aronofsky.

Matt:  Who?

Me: He did that movie Pi and some other weird stuff.

Matt:  Nah.

Me:  Apparently, it has a really smoking hot lesbian sex scene.

Matt: What?

Me: With Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis.

Matt: Really?

Me:  Yeah, do you want to watch it?

Matt: Okay!


Lesson: If you want a man to do something he doesn't want to do, just say something like, "hot lesbian sex scene".  It works, but not for everything.  Like if you want him to go with you to church.  It doesn't work for that.  Unless you go to one of them freaky ass churches.

Tastes like Chicken

I often watch my little house cats, Junebug and Bee, and think something like this:

If you guys weighed 120 lbs. instead of 12, we'd have a serious problem.

Serious problem = having your face ripped off and your jugular removed.

So it is with morbid humor I post this video.  Because I like cats.  And these cats REALLY like this baby.

Mmmm... Baby.  The other white meat.  - Fat Bastard (Austin Powers)

Game of Thrones

Holy Moly!  I just saw the trailer for HBO's new series Game of Thrones, based on the book by George R.R. Martin.  These books are awesome.  Epic fantasy at its finest.  Honestly, I like this stuff way more than Lord of the Rings.  Partly because these are definitely for adults.  Plenty o' sex and violence, which is probably why HBO is making the series. 

Last night I finished book two in the series, which is Clash of Kings.  968 pages.  Yeah, they are long and full of characters.  The character list alone is a good 30 pages, which is why you should read the books before watching this show.  Otherwise you will be completely confused by what's going on. 
 
But here is a taste.  Be warned, the beginning is scary.  Scary good!

Unfortunately, I don't have HBO.  Or cable.  So I guess I will only have to wait a whole year to see it on Netflix.  Ugh.

Game of Thrones Exclusive Preview

Minnesota Nice (with an accent)

Reason no. 132 why I am the way I am.

I watched this stuff a lot as a kid.

T-paw to the rescue

That's what we call Tim Pawlenty in this neck of the woods.  The video proves that with a bunch of flashes and crazy fast edits, you too can look like a badass.  Even if you're not.  You just have to have enough money to hire Michael Bay to make your commercial.  I love Colbert's version even more.

The Colbert Report
Tags: Colbert Report Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,Video Archive

Sheenenfreude

Oooo, yes!  More Charlie Sheen news.

There is a new word floating around the internets.  Sheen.  That, actually, is not a new word.  It normally means something like: healthy, glossy appearance. 

As in:  Your hair has a wonderful sheen today.  What conditioner are you using?

But now sheen has become a verb.  To Sheen.  I am sheening.

Example:  Last night, I sheened so hard I woke up in a construction site portapotty with only an empty Taco Bell bag and two different colored socks.  Weird!

Translation:  To behave so outrageously you have to be a celebrity to get away with it.  Or have tiger blood.


It's kind of like those old Spoonerisms.  I loved those words.  My favorite all-time Spoonerism is the word:

Reintarnation.

Definition:  Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

I love English!


It's Friday, and that's all I got.  I was trying to think of something funny that happened, or even mildly amusing, but no, only making fun of a celebrity who, all bets aside, will probably be making the news again when his pale, bloated corpse is found in a fancy hotel bathtub by housekeeping.  That's the thing about housekeeping, you never know what crazy ass shit your going to find doing that job.  Now, that's a book I would read.  You could title it something like, "Do Not Disturb... Too late, I already am!" 

Somebody should get on that.

Charlie Sheen, you're my hero

Okay, so I confess, I've always been a fan of Charlie Sheen, ever since his appearance on Ferris Bueller's Day Off, which upon further reflection it seems he wasn't really acting at all, just playing himself.  I don't know why I'm a fan.  I loved Major League.  I liked Hot Shots, part deux.  I liked Two and a Half Men, one of the few TV shows I regularly watched.  Most of his movies, howeever, were pretty forgettable.  He was good looking, but I suppose years and years of hardcore partying take its toll.  He is funny; although I supposed mental illness shouldn't be made fun of.

But since he's perfectly fine making fun of his batshit crazy self, well, then, okay....

Remember Mad Libs?  I used to do these all the time - specifically trying to make them as filthy as possible, which wasn't hard to do.

I guess it didn't take someone long to do a Charlie Sheen mad lib.

Here's mine:

“I am on a drug. It’s called Melinda Braun. If you try it once, you will be excoriated. Your thumb will melt off, and your sister in law will poop over your flayed body … I’m tired of pretending like I’m not sexerific—a total freaking hairstylist from uranus. I’ve got wildebeest blood, hermes DNA! … They picked a fight with a unicorn. They’re trying to take all my buns and leave me with no means to fly my family. It’s not astrophysics! They owe me an apology while humping my elbow … I don’t think people are ready for the baboon I’m delivering, and delivering with a sense of odorous love. I exposed toes to magic! Here’s your plasma test. Next one goes in your armpit!”




You, too, can do your own Charlie Sheen madlib.


Happy Wednesday!

For the curious

For those who might be wondering what living with a baby is like.

Imagine a person with no self-control, no manners, and the inability to speak articulately.  Basically, a drunken sailor.

A very cute drunken sailor.

Wrasslin'

My brother used to always want to practice wrestling moves when we were young.  Specifically, put me in a chokehold or a Full Nelson, or was it a half-Nelson?  These wrestling sessions usually ended with me getting a rug burned chin or elbows as I flailed around trying to get away before he managed to make his pin and fart in my face.  I don't know, maybe they do that in wrestling, maybe it even has a name.  Like the Dirty Death Bomb. 

It is probably illegal.

It never occured to me to try the most illegal wrestling move of all.  Hypnotism.